I’ve come to realize that resolutions are often a recipe for disaster. If you’re one of those folks with incredible self-control, then go ahead and keep it up! But for the rest of us, who struggle with self-discipline, what do we call these things?
I’m thinking of naming mine “Try Tos.” After all, the data shows that most people don’t make it past the first three months. Life gets in the way, the goal was too big, takes too long, or it’s like, gain a superpower by getting bitten by a radioactive spider. Or, and I think this is the most likely, it felt too overwhelming. They think, “This is an amazing idea, I’m doing that!” and then the next day, still on the new year high, they make a plan, or at least a rough idea of one. Then the next day, they do the research, or whatever. And by the end of the first week, they’re still stuck. They realize that all that planning, researching, or whatever doesn’t tell them where to start, what steps to take, or anything specific. It’s like, “Hit the gym more often,” or “Eat healthier,” or “Spend less.” But first, you have to buy groceries, and then there’s that thing you really wanted and didn’t get for Christmas, so you go and get it for yourself, and then and then and then. There’s always something.
So, for me, this year, I'm calling it my Try To year. I'm trying to eat healthier. I'd already started a diet last year that I didn't stick to. Part of it was that I was the only one in the house doing it. For those who didn't read my bio, I have three kids. That sometimes means 2-3 different meals for the kids, plus my husband would want "normal" food and then there was all the stuff involved in whatever meal was on my diet plan. Doing the math, that can mean 5 meals for a single dinner. Life was getting in the way, it wasn't cheap, it was complicated and took SO MUCH TIME. This year, my kids are a year older and they all eat the same thing (and if not, there is almost always a leftover option), and my husband is doing it with me. He's awesome like that! It means that I have someone helping me stay on track and accountable. It means that I'm only making 2 meals (and sometimes the kids want to try it too so it's really only one meal). It means I have a partner and I'm not feeling as overwhelmed and alone.
My main Try To: declutter my house. It’s my top priority for this year. We have five people living here. When we moved in, I had a must-have requirement: a full basement that we could turn into a playroom for the kids. We went from a two-bedroom, one-bathroom bungalow to a four-bedroom, two-and-a-half-bathroom, full basement multi-level home. Everything is spread out, and the laundry isn’t in the kitchen. But this also means we have more stuff. Each kid has their own room, so they have their own stuff. The basement is their community space, which means even more stuff. We have a storage area now, which is great for storing the stuff we only use a few times a year, but that means stuff in there too. And here’s the kicker: because we can just shut the door to the basement and call it the “kids’ space,” I’ve gotten really bad at getting rid of toys that are too young for them or that they just don’t seem interested in anymore. All that stuff is still down there, waiting to be decluttered.
It’s not just the kids. My husband and I are humans too, and we have our own stuff to take care of. So, I’m not trying to do all of this in a weekend or even a month. I’m taking the whole year. I’m taking it day by day. I do this when I have time, some days I have a ton of time, and some days I don’t have a spare moment. So, I’m not feeling guilty if I’ve skipped a day or two because I’ve planned for that. There’s no guilt, no, "oh, I missed yesterday, and now I’m overwhelmed and have to do twice as much today". No. Just no. That’s what leads to the spiral of overwhelm and then quitting.
So, I’m taking my time with this decluttering thing. I’m really thinking about each item. But I’m also getting rid of stuff. I’m going through everything in every room. Why do we have flyers from months ago? Because we were doing a quick clean for people to come over, shoved it all into a bin and shoved that bin out of sight. Now a couple of months later, there they are taking up space that they don't need to take. I'm a self-professed bibliophile. I love books. I feel like if you fold the corner of a page you are some kind of a monster 😂 . I do not get rid of books. But. That's a problem. I have books that I tried to read and just couldn't get into them. I have books that I read even though I didn't like them but felt obligated because I'd spent the money on them. I have collections (those are safe from the purge!), I have series, I have books that don't interest me but someone gifted them to me. Now, I'm not the kind of person who feels obligated to hang on to something I was gifted until the day that I die because it was a gift. I firmly believe it was the sentiment behind the gift and not the object itself and so I don't feel guilty if I donate the object while still holding on to the appreciation. It is, afterall, the thought that counts. So, not all of my books are safe, but the library takes donations and I'm hoping someone else can find enjoyment in what I'll eventually send their way. Clohthes are not safe either. Just because I love a top, if it doesn't fit me, it's going. I can't sew, so if a button is missing, if there is a hole in the seam, it's going. I just don't have the time to find someone to do the mending. Plus, I have enough other clothes that I most likely won't miss it. My kids' have so much stuff they've outgrown too. I swear every two weeks or so, I'm having to update their wardrobes. When do they stop growing??? They're currently 5, 6, and 7 years old, so I'm guessing not any time soon.
In my kitchen, do I really need the pots and pans I haven't used in 2 years beacuse I got new ones that are easier to clean since they can go in the dishwasher and don't have teflon on them? Why am I still holding onto them then? The list of things like this goes on and on. A lot of the time, I can attribute it to a few key excuses. I'm not trying to justify myself here, that time has come and gone. Now I'm just dealing with all the stuff. Anyway, those excuses come down to a) I didn't even realize I had something, b) I upgraded something (ie the pots and pans), and just never took the old stuff out, c) I was lazy, or d) it felt overwhelming to try to figure out what to do with stuff.
I've gotten to a point of daydreaming about that reel I see on the book of faces now and then (especially at this time of the year) of the guy using the flamethrower to de-ice his driveway...except instead of snow and ice, I've got all the stuff from my house out there and having myself a lovely bonfire and then I'll just start over.
So here’s the thing: let’s not be too hard on ourselves for not sticking to our old resolutions. Most of us aren’t disciplined enough to do it anyway. Just do what you can with what you have and for as long as you can. As long as you make an effort, feel good about yourself, and learn something new, I think that’s a pretty good win.
And don’t make it something you have to have done before the end of the year. Is there something you should get a jump on to start ASAP? Absolutely! The longer you wait to start, the more likely you are to never start. But if you start small and do little bits at a time from the beginning, you have a much better chance of making a new habit that sticks or completing something that you know will take time (like a whole house purge, for example).
Leave your “try to’s” for this year. We’re almost through January already, how are you doing with yours? How did you get started and where do you hope to be in the time you’ve given yourself?
